i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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