at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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