Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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