i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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