can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
