Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
