Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
