thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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