If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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