I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
