Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize