Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
