Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
