Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
