Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just pee around me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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