Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
