If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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