im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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