Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
