So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
