It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
