just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
