3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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