hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
