he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
