I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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