remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
