if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
