Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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