now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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