after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
