Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
