i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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