my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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