Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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