Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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