And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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