yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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