I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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