I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
