Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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