Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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