you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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