Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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