love makes seman taste better
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize