THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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