did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
