i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was like his penis was on wheels.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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