Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
