Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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