Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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