Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
