I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
