is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
