I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
