Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
