I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
