Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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