Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
