I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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