Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
