woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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