I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
love makes seman taste better
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
