Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
