If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
