It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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