brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I died a long time ago.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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