You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
