I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
